“I can’t change, even if I tried, even if I wanted to,”
&& sometimes I do.
Sometimes I want to be quieter,
Sometimes I want to be meek
I want to be thin && frail
I want to be all the things society tells me a woman should be.
I feel like I should be apologizing.
They tell me to be quiet,
They tell me to be gentle,
To keep my voice.my opinions.my heart to myself.
They tell us to be ourselves,
But that’s just as long as that fits within their ideas of what we should be.
Well fuck you,
I want to be me.
I want to be loud, I want to laugh to the sky.
I want to call you on your shit when you’re spitting it.
I want to be called the boss, not the bitch.
But, sometimes, when you tell me to be quiet
I want to shrink into the shadows.
“I can’t change, even if I tried, even if I wanted to.”
I just… I just want to run away from this life. Maybe not forever, but for right now at least. Leave school, leave work. Just run.
So this video started going around my facebook today, with about a dozen of my female friends sharing the link with comments like, and “Everyone needs to see this”, and “All girls should watch this,” and “This made me cry.” And I’m not trying to shame those girls! I definitely understand why they would do so. And I don’t want to be a killjoy. But as I clicked the link and started watching the video, I started to feel a slight sense of discomfort. I couldn’t put my finger on why that was, exactly, but it continued throughout the whole thing. After watching the video several more times, I have some thoughts…
Argument I heard on the bus
- Guy 1: no, niggah, gay bros can raise babies. Look at that warthog motherfucker and that ferret thing that raised Simba. And that niggah became king of motherfucking Africa.
My eating disorder is many things, but it is NOT a fad, a trend, or a new diet plan; it is a mother fucking mental illness.
I have no fucking idea what I’m doing.
I kind of just feel like curling up in a ball and crying. Turning on Moulin Rouge && remembering that I’ve never had a love even remotely like that. && I can’t sing. I start school on Monday. I have completely forgotten how to be a normal person. Everything I talk about is eating disorder related. I’m not a normal 23-year old. WTF am I doing?!
What I look like in normal social situations
I made another, I hope you love it ;)
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